We're having a wedding?
by Owl Satire
Summary: Simple as the title. Squalo and Xanxus decide to get married. One-shot, not crack, or at least I did my best to keep it with as little crack as possible. Rated T for language and suggestive themes.


It finally started setting in to Squalo that he was less concerned about the situation than everyone else when he found himself standing on a pedestal being posed like some sort of mannequin by Lussuria. The energetic, effeminate man was cooing over how excited he simply was and measuring Squalo everywhere. "Your suit has to be just the perfect fit!" He remembered Lussuria saying. In Squalo's opinion, everyone else was taking this too seriously. He was receiving all sorts of gifts from the Vongola and Varia members alike, and frankly, it was getting on the shark's nerves a little.

I mean, he and Xanxus were only getting married.

Xanxus was even less concerned about it than he was. They kissed and fucked as always since the proposal. It was almost as if nothing had happened at all.

Of course, the concept of marriage had been all of Squalo's idea and none of Xanxus's in the beginning.

He remembered proposing while he was recovering from their lust for each other; still tangled up in all of Xanxus's perfect and scarred limbs and Xanxus idly toying with Squalo's hair, his fingers weaving themselves in the perfectly silver locks. He had no ring, or extravagance, or timing, and for a second his heart stopped because Xanxus never responded with words. Squalo remembered how Xanxus had leaned back a little, almost as if shocked, and simply just looked at him. If it were possible, he'd have been sweating bullets while telling himself, 'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What the fuck did you just do, Squalo!?'

Of course, as Xanxus was prone to do, he silenced Squalo with a ferocious kiss.

Squalo assumed it was a yes in Xanxus's own way.

There was only one other event after that which lead any notice to their marriage ideas, and it was probably what had caused this whole mess; what with Lussuria's fussing and the gifts.

It was at dinner, a dinner like always with the Varia gathered around the table. In the midst of slinging insults at each other and devouring their food, no one seemed to notice their boss's absence. No one paid attention to Xanxus as he walked in, bearing the same stature as always until he ignored his throne at the head of the table entirely and stood beside Squalo's chair. Xanxus grabbed Squalo's right hand, the flesh and blood hand, and pulled it up. Then he pulled out a box. He removed the simple band, silver with three small diamonds set into it, and slid it onto Squalo's ring finger.

An engagement ring.

The most violent reaction was from Lussuria, who almost screamed in delight. Levi seemed stunned into silence, having heard of none of this before. Bel laughed, Fran didn't seem to care and continued to eat.

It was almost a normal day in the Varia.

Yet, thanks to some members of the Varia, the affair couldn't stay small. Before long, congratulations letters were arriving in their mail box, followed soon after with gifts of assorted varieties. No one blamed Squalo when he was hesitant to open the box from the Bovino familia.

What lead up to the situation Squalo found himself currently in, with Lussuria swooning over him, was a sudden declaration by the Muay Thai master that Squalo and Xanxus had to sweep the wedding attendees off their feet ("Vooi? We're having a Wedding Reception? When did this happen?" He had asked Lussuria earlier that day. He never got an answer.). "Alright honey." Lussuria said, at last, with a little bit of a triumphant tone, "You're done for today. I've got to consult and pick out some nice fabric so we can make your wedding unforgettable!"

Squalo found himself later that day sitting in his room grumbling to himself about why his marriage to Xanxus had to be everyone else's business. They were not the ones who had dedicated themselves to following that man until he became the Vongola Decimo. They were not the ones who had uttered the words of love and lust and bloodlust that Squalo had. It angered Squalo because he did not think the others could possible encompass how he felt for Xanxus. It was not love, but it wasn't _not_ love, either. It was a profound sense of respect and dedication, an admiration of the power that Xanxus wielded.

Squalo harrumphed and continued to lean over his desk, silver locks pooling around his elbows as he rested his face in his hands. He was tired from all of this wedding planning business. According to Lussuria, they still had to make invitations, buy decorations, and decide where to hold the reception.

"Too much work." Squalo grumbled out loud. Ironic words from a man who made killing and sword fighting his life. He fell asleep there on his desk.

Squalo spent the next week working on the various wedding arrangements, often not asking Xanxus to help because he didn't want to burden his already busy boss. With the guidance of Varia's most feminine member, Squalo was able to plan to location, date, and ordered and sent out the wedding invitations. Last on the agenda (that Squalo personally wanted nothing to do with), was a cake, decorations, and their suits, which Lussuria assured he had under control.

"Voi! No bridal showers, Lussuria! Stop yourself right there, I can see it reflecting in your sunglasses!"

Another week and Squalo found the date looming ever closer, with three days until he had to deal with possibly the entire Vongola famiglia and all of their allies congratulating him and speaking to him and breathing his air.

He could hardly focus on his annoyed dread because he found himself in a similar situation as two weeks ago, but instead of Lussuria, there was a man of similar stature with long-blue hair that was swept to the side tending to him. He'd introduced himself as Ferde; he was a member of Vongola and a friend of Lussuria's fashion taste. Squalo found himself floored when Ferde had rolled out the suit on a posed mannequin to show to Squalo, positively beaming with excitement at Squalo's expression.

The suit was, well, everything Squalo had expected of a wedding suit and absolutely more. It was entirely white, from the jacket to the pants, offset only by a red shirt and black tie. There was a small, golden Vongola pin on the lapel of the suit jacket. To match the gold of the pin were spiraling gold patterns on the hips and ankles of the pants, reminiscent to the fires that the Vongola and Varia commanded.

"It's white, you see, because you and Xanxus are always wearing black for your job and we just had to make this a nice offset! White ensures that you and Xanxus get to live long together!" Ferde and Lussuria were definitely friends, speaking so similarly and getting excited of women's things.

Yet, it was, indeed, a very nice wedding suit.

Ferde was excited to get to work on Squalo, giving the shark time to change into it and then getting quickly to work making sure it fit properly. Squalo, again, spent another day being posed against his will. Sometimes Ferde would 'hm' or 'ah' in disappointment and stick a pin gently into the shirt and write down some notes on a yellow pad of paper. "These notes are for Mama Lussuria! He would be absolutely disappointed if I let even the smallest error in stitch get by, you see."

Squalo didn't give a damn about the stitches; he was still amazed that Lussuria had come up with something that actually suited him.

Two days came and went, spending some much-needed alone time with Xanxus on the second night. They were so exhausted that their usual banter beforehand was skipped. No glasses were smashed and no liquor spilled. Squalo simply let himself be swept away by Xanxus. It was a reprieve that Squalo had desperately needed. They were finally alone. There was no one to fuss or to remind them about this wedding they had been forced into, it was just passion, lust, and maybe, just maybe, love. Squalo knew that Xanxus did not express love very well, he never had. Xanxus was much more comfortable with pulling hair, scratching, biting, and bruising Squalo all the while spitting out stinging words like 'slut' and 'whore'.

Squalo knew well that Xanxus had no knowledge of how to express affection; it was so foreign to his boss that sometimes he seemed confused when they just laid in bed together after a night of passion. Gentle touches were hard for him, gentle words even harder, but that's why Squalo loved Xanxus. Xanxus was strong, powerful, and the most genuine man he'd ever met. Squalo knew that those tentative caresses and secret hair tugs were Xanxus showing more affection than he'd ever shown anyone in his life. Insults were the only method of praise he knew how to express and Squalo was seemingly the only one aware.

Squalo had wanted to marry this man, but he did not expect Xanxus to accept when he'd asked, lost in their thoughts. He watched Xanxus sleep, holding him close. Squalo was never happier than when he fell asleep in the ocean of sound that contained Xanxus's heartbeat.

On the day of the wedding, Squalo found himself quickly shuffled away from his groom by Ferde. Ferde shushed Squalo's attempts at protest. "We have to dress you, silly! You cannot see your groom just yet! You'll have your time."

Squalo was not pouting.

Ferde quickly and efficiently got Squalo into his wedding suit. Squalo could barely notice the changes that had been made to it, but obviously his assistant was happy with whatever Lussuria was done because he simply could not stop complimenting the look.

"Oh!" Ferde suddenly exclaimed before bustling off into an adjacent room. He came back, smiling his bright smile, bearing a bouquet. Squalo was not one for flowers, but on this day he found himself smiling the tiniest smile as the blue-haired man pushed them into his hands. It was a bouquet of the finest roses Squalo had ever seen, but among them, arranged with tiny white flowers was a heart. The bouquet was decorated with a long red silk bow. "Xanxus bought them for you, but not with a little help from Mama Lussuria." Ferde winked and giggled, obviously adoring the flower choice. Checking the clock on the wall, Ferde gasped, "Come on, it's almost time."

When he was being shuffled into the wings of their location, the garden of the Vongola manor, Squalo couldn't help but take in the sights of the décor. Whoever had put up the decorations had done an amazing job. There were banners and silken ribbons galore. The tablecloths were quite fine, and from a distance Squalo could still tell they were silk. Gifts were piled on a table and on another was a massive cake (Squalo wasn't a fan, but he'd given in to the begging of his friends) in the dead center of the refreshments table.

The chairs had fine whit bows tied to all of them and the makeshift chapel at the end of the aisle had been decorated extravagantly. The guests mingled, but had begun to fall into their seats. Among them Squalo saw the new Vongola Tenth and two of his guardians, among other familiar faces, he recognized the Cavallone boss and his men as well. Before long, he was in a part of the 'wings' that had no vision

When all of the guests had fallen into their seats with some dictation by the ushers, it fell eerily silent. Squalo remembered rehearsing this, but he found himself rather concerned now. He looked up and found his 'procession' in front of him. It was small; Squalo had threatened to call the wedding off if he had to pick bridesmaids or an escort. Lussuria had caved, reluctantly, but he'd gotten his revenge in a way, too. With no bridesmaids, and no maid of honor, there was only Lussuria, Bel, and Fran in front of him. Lussuria had insisted upon being the ring-bearer and was wearing a very flattering jacket and skirt combination for the occasion. Bel and Fran, being left, were the flower boys.

Squalo hoped they wouldn't murder anyone. Yet, they (mostly Bel) seemed to be excited for their little job, but Bel would snicker at Squalo from time to time.

Music played, Squalo was thankful there were no bells to be rung. He was thankful for many things today, but also a little awe-stricken. The last two weeks had gone by very quickly, and now he was standing here, bouquet in hand, about to be married in front of his friends and the people he knew to the boss he'd followed unfalteringly for so many years. He looked down at the flowers and allowed a ghosting smile to play across his face. Before he knew it, Lussuria was gone, Bel and Fran in tow. He took a deep breath. Ferde gave him an excited cue when the three had finished walking down the aisle, scattering flowers and the sort.

When Squalo stepped out into the light of the Vongola garden, everyone was standing. He clutched the bouquet, not allowing his overflowing emotions (excitement, nervousness, admiration) to show. He did not smile and he did not have an escort. His attention was focused on Xanxus and walking. Xanxus stood on the makeshift chapel beside the 'priest', Reborn. Standing—rather, looming—beside Xanxus was Levi, as the best man. Squalo had to give himself a chance to admire the sort of outfit they had given Xanxus. It was so regal. His suit matched his own, but instead of gold patterns on the pants, Xanxus had a cape that matched his grand stature. The cape had been decorated with patterns to match those Squalo bore and there were pins similar to the Vongola rings on each side of the cape with a chain connecting them.

This sight was something else in Squalo's eyes, and he couldn't help a warm, relaxed smile.

He was really getting married. He made it up to the chapel and Xanxus took his place beside Squalo. As ever, his boss was unreadable, and this was just fine to Squalo.

Vows were read with the most solemn voice Reborn could muster (being a baby really didn't help his case, but Squalo forgave him only for today) and before Squalo could think:

"Xanxus, do you take this man, Squalo Superbia, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do." Squalo felt his heart skip multiple beats.

"And you, Squalo Superbia, do you take this man, Xanxus, to be your lawfully wedded husband."

Let it be known to history books that, despite his nerves, Squalo did not falter at this moment.

"I do."

"If you wish to seal this marriage with a kiss, you may now do so."

Squalo didn't even have a chance to face Xanxus entirely before he'd been swept into the most passionate kiss their relationship had ever seen.

Rings were exchanged, and more blessings. At this point, it was obvious Squalo and Xanxus wanted it to be over. They had done their part to entertain the Vongola and their fellow Varia, they wanted time to themselves.

They were kept long, though. Mingling and chatting over nonsense on Squalo's end. On Xanxus's, brooding. The cake was decimated and the refreshments devoured by hungry guests.

At the end of it all, when all the guests had finally taken their leave and gone elsewhere, Squalo found Xanxus sitting on the ground with no care for the state of his nice wedding suit. Still holding the bouquet (it was rightfully his, after all, he had no obligation to simply throw it into the crowd) Squalo sat down between Xanxus's legs. They were silent for a while, Squalo leaning on Xanxus and just thinking, mindlessly toying with the ribbon of the bouquet. Squalo, at last, turned his head and beamed at Xanxus, unsure of any other way to react, "Thank you for playing along." When Squalo opened his eyes, there was a smile on Xanxus's features. Not one of sadism and not a mocking smile. This smile was completely genuine, foreign on Xanxus's hard features.

"You trash, who said I was playing?"

* * *

**The end! Gosh I did so much wedding research so as not to make a fool of myself! I hope you all enjoyed this silly little one-shot!**

******This one-shot is based on a piece of fanart I absolutely adore! But I can't post links here so I guess I'll just torment you with a fanart you can't see!**


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